From as early as their inception back in 2022 with their debut When The Drugs That Made You Sick Are The Drugs That Make You Better, Crippling Alcoholism have always loved a good story and each of their songs tells its own. Usually a pretty messed up one, since the band relishes in grounding their music and artistry around the everyday man-made macabre, establishing portraits of thoroughly haunted or disturbed individuals based both off of fiction and real events.
Leaving the prison cells of their sophomore With Love From A Padded Room and the gruesome tales of its inmates behind, new album CAMGIRL offers an even more fleshed out concept story that continues to explore the lives and inner mechanisms of deeply damaged individuals and how their environments and circumstances shape their often tragic narratives while meeting some of the most monstrous individuals along the way.
Vocalist and original Crippling Alcoholism mastermind Tony Castrati took the time out of his day to walk us through both the events of CAMGIRL and the songwriting process along the way as the band’s most complete and intricate work to date took shape into the seducing monster it is now.
Related : Crippling Alcoholism – CAMGIRL | Album Review
“This album follows Anabelle Victorovna (screen name “Bella Pink”) and her experience in the sex industry. Each song is a different chapter in her life from different characters’ POVs.”
Mr. Sentimental
“As soon as we wrote this song, Jonathan (piano/synths) insisted that it be the opener. It sets the tone for the album. It starts with a simple melody on bells (pun intended), then is soon bombarded by a harsh synth bass with a clubby backbeat. Stefan (guitar) wrote this funky guitar line for the beginning that sounds like it is inviting you to the trashiest party. It’s a weird guitar line because if it wasn’t played on panic chords, it could be in a fucking RHCP song. ‘Mr Sentimental’ is supposed to teleport you to Belle’s world. You’re at a club or a rave, you’re letting loose, but something’s off. I was picturing this shitty strip club in Nashua with bright neon lights and a bar lined with deeply haunted individuals. ‘Mr. Sentimental’ is Belle’s first serious boyfriend, Benny. He’s an artsy kid with mommy issues. Belle has visions of the two of them running off to NYC and studying poetry, but this never happens. Benny has a pathological, sexual obsession with his own mother, and one night he shares this with Belle, asking her to wear his mother’s clothing during sex. Benny hopes to transfer his obsession with his own mother to Belle, but Belle is not having it. She recoils and rejects Benny’s offer. Ashamed that his secret is now known, Benny attacks Belle out of frustration, breaking her arm. This is her first encounter with violent men.”
Saran Wrapped Cash
“As the mayhem of ‘Mr. Sentimental’ends, the depressing guitar of ‘Saran Wrapped Cash’ is supposed to bring you back to your comfort zone. This is one of those songs that is loosely based on a real story, but that’s all I’ll say about that. Belle’s father is a mid-level cocaine dealer who keeps his professional life mostly hidden from his children. Belle’s mother left when Belle was very young and subsequently died of an overdose. Her father, despite having some issues, showed his children compassion, support and stability. The first time Belle gets a glimpse of her father’s profession is when he’s digging up coke money from the backyard that he has enveloped in saran wrap and buried months ago. Unfortunately, he didn’t seal the cash very well and the backyard elements have deteriorated about thirty thousand in cash. Belle’s father tries to restore the cash by wiping the dirt away and drying each individual bill with a hair dryer, but he starts to cry as he realizes this is a fool’s errand and that he might have put his family in irreversible financial ruin. As Belle watches her father at the kitchen table, violently sobbing and trying to restore coke money with a hair dryer, her world starts to piece together in front her eyes. The verse and chorus of this song were also written to be catchy, but not as clubby as some of the other songs, more “belt-your-heart-out alone in the car” type of catchy. Stefan added a bunch of overdrive to the chorus to make it hit harder. The ending of this song is the first part that we wrote with Alyce (guitar/backing vocals/synths). She had literally joined the band that week, and we were writing this song in Jonathan’s bedroom. The ending of this song is very Alyce. It’s got these really bittersweet synth voicings, with Alyce’s monotone spoken word, which detail Belle’s childhood memory, and then booming 808s that fight with the Twin Peaks synth chords for your attention.”
Ladies’ Night
“This was a weird song because Stefan and I wrote it in about 2 hours, over the phone. I was watching the movie 22 Jumpstreet and I heard an LMFAO song in the spring break scene. I immediately called up Stefan and said “Yo what if we made like an LMFAO song, but it’s completely fucked?” and he said “It’s 1am”. I had a brief outline of the kinds of sounds I was hearing, and then I had the chorus vocal melody. I gave that to Stefan, and then he wrote the rest of the song while still on the phone with me. This is a central club song on the album, with arguably the catchiest hook in the chorus. This song introduces the main antagonist, Antoine. This is a guy Belle starts seeing on and off her senior year of high-school. He’s over ten years older than her and is the one who convinces her to get into camming, under his management. The chorus of this song «You don’t need no man, do your dance» is deceivingly uplifting. Antoine is pretending to empower Belle by insisting that she can be fully independent. But of course his goal is not to help her become self-reliant, but rather fully reliant on him. This is the dark irony of this song. Juliet from Luxury Skin does falsetto vocals on this song that add a sort of 70s disco vibe to it. It’s supposed to capture Belle and Antoine meeting at some shitty rave, dancing together, snorting molly, fucking in the alley, all a good time, but there’s this sinister energy where you feel Antoine’s scheming begin.”
Pay Pigs
“William is a financial quantitative analyst from NYC and an avid enjoyer of live cam girls. He doesn’t like pre-recorded porn because he can’t tell the women what to do and try and humiliate them in real-time. He becomes Bella’s first super fan, spending more than her other followers combined. He enjoys the fact that he has money and she doesn’t. He relishes the notion that a random financial imbalance has coerced her into giving him sexual attention. In any other circumstance, she wouldn’t give him the time of day. Rather than depress William, the notion of this reality excites him, as he feels it reflects the underlying brutality of nature itself. This is one of the uglier songs on the album, with much more metal inspired instrumentals. The main riff is a chug-chug panic chord deathcore style riff, but played on clean guitars with reverb and chorus. Instead of using distortion in the drop, we combined a bunch of overdriven bass synths to really bring out the vileness. Stefan and I added some overdriven guitar leads to try and make it more evil sounding. Jonathan added these really nice spacey organ chords in the middle of the song, which we then demolish with even more overdriven bass synths. This is a very deranged song, which is supposed to maintain the clubby energy and momentum of the previous three songs, but take the listener down a much harsher path. The ending is supposed to show William completely unravel as he confronts his own daughter and explains that watching snuff films is a spiritual experience, and it’s completely natural for people with money to use weak people for food.”
Bedrot
“I would describe this song as “Happy Depression”. After visiting the completely deranged world of Colter in ‘Pay Pigs’, we meet Mitchell; a lovable drug dealer with some deep self-image issues. One of the earlier drafts was called ‘Manages an Applebees’ because that’s what I pictured the character doing when we first wrote it. Mitchell is a slightly overweight Applebee’s manager who goes out to the parking lot during his break to sell acid out of his minivan. He’s on and off with Belle, and she’s drawn to him because he shows her kindness, ironically similar to the kind she experienced with her father. The problem is, Belle doesn’t feel worthy of the attention Mitchell gives her and furthermore she finds his bouts of depression and self-loathing extremely unattractive. You can hear her asking herself «How many times did I try with you?» At the end, sung by Allison Rittweger.”
MONET
“The original draft was called ‘James Bondage’. This is a holdover from the With Love From A Padded Room drafting stage, but heavily reimagined. We took the classical style chord progression and then added some distorted bass synth and dancy drums, then a bunch of reverbed guitar leads. This character, Pierre, is a guy who runs a porn site, specializing in humiliation, with his equally deranged wife Mia. He convinces Antoine to get Bella to do scenes for his site. Pierre is genuinely batshit, smokes meth and talks about how he cuts people up with knives and how torture brings us closer to God, again just batshit. Alyce and I do the vocals for Pierre and Mia, showcasing their warped worldviews and almost psychotic self-aggrandizement. Needless to say, this is just more trouble for Bella.”
Pretty in Pink
“Going in a poppier direction, this song is supposed to be more mellow and euphoric. This started as an acoustic draft that we eventually rewrote together. The main thing you might notice in this song is the funky ass bass line that Pete (bass) wrote. He’s originally a funk bass player so he just pulled this out of his ass on the spot and it’s one of my favourite parts of the album. It was cool to have the funky bassline juxtaposed with the more sombre guitar leads and synths. Juliet and I sing the main part, «Ain’t no goth’d out scene girl in all God’s green gonna make me feel like the way I love you». Juliet went more disco on this track, which is awesome with Pete’s funky bass line. Juliet and I really disagreed on the mixing of this song because she wanted it to be crystal clear, but I wanted a muddier, generation loss type feel to the mix. I convinced her, but we might do a clearer remix down the line cause in her defence, it does really change the song. I wanted there to be something scarred and broken about the mix. This song is from the perspective of Mitchell again (‘Bedrot’), showcasing his love for Bella. Mitchell’s songs are supposed to be really catchy to showcase his manipulative charm. Typically, the catchier the song, the more manipulative the character. The catchiness is supposed to mimic the social engineering capabilities of the character. Mitchell, although probably the kindest character in this album, resents Bella for being a camgirl and wishes to secure her for himself. He secretly watches her material, while also leaving her drunk voicemails shaming her for camming. The harsher sections show his uglier side, while the lighter sections show both his charm and genuine love of Bella.”
Pliers
“Back to Pierre and Mia, the fucking porn couple from hell. This song presents a kind of fascistic take on masculinity, that only the strong deserve to thrive and conquer, and the kind of person who would hold these beliefs. This is the part of the plot where it’s revealed that in addition to porn, Pierre and Mia also run a snuff site where they torture and brutalize people on camera. This song is more dissonant, with a pretty weird chord progression. Juliet does Mia’s voice this time with a kind of burlesque, sultry approach. Danny’s drums are more relaxed and groovy. We added a bunch of insane fuzzy night synth to fill out the sonic space.”
Screentime
“This is a candid exchange between Bella and one of her high paying clients. He expresses his affection towards Bella. He just wants to feel connected to her, he doesn’t even pay for sexual content. This song is all Jonathan’s romantic era piano style. He wrote this super loving piece and then added some synths to place it in the context of this album.”
I Have a Key to Your House
“This song was written to be like a pop-punk song, but still very depressed and deranged. We started with the upbeat guitar riffs and then built the song from there. You can really hear Danny (drums) shine on this. He plays much more of a rock feel, but he still sprinkles in his acid jazz chops. Stefan actually uses a lot of overdrive on the guitars in the chorus to give it more of a punch. It’s one of the few times on the album that the guitars have that much grit. Most of the time we put overdrive on the bass and bass synth and then leave the guitars cleaner, so the harmonies are clearer. This song needed a little more of a punch. It also has the line «If you got an ass and a mouth, you’ll always have something to sell», which gets mixed reactions at shows. This song is from the perspective of Jordan, an armed robber in Nashua. In the plot, Jordan robs Pierre and Mia and after finding their snuff operation, shoots them on camera, giving them a taste of their own medicine.”
CAMGIRL
“The central song on the album with the most amount of moving parts. This started as one of Stefan’s earliest drafts. He had the most fucked drafts with midi drums that he would program on his keyboard, by hand, not using a grid. It was a nightmare to work with. But we got together and wrote this song over the course of a few weeks. It has more grindcore elements, some disco, black metal/blackgaze, 80s pop, metal. It’s got a bunch of stuff jammed packed in it, but it somehow turned out to be fairly cohesive. The song is a synopsis of Bella’s story. She feels really empowered as she starts camming with Antoine. The more tender part of the song is supposed to be her fans’ relationship with her as well as her relationship with Antoine. She feels a love and devotion towards Antoine as he provides her with a sense of empowerment and security, and her fans feel the same way about her. The lyrics are both from Bella’s perspective with regards to Antoine and her fans’ perspective with regards to her. Both perspectives capture a sense of security and love, while also highlighting the abusive, manipulative nature present in both relationships. The singer (Bella or her fan) acknowledges and accepts this asymmetry in the relationship («I’m just a user, craving your abuse, I wanna float»). In the plot, Jordan’s murder/robbery causes police to uncover the snuff and human trafficking operation that Pierre and Mia were involved with. As police link this operation to new suspects, Antoine becomes implicated. The news of this sends Bella spiralling into a deep despair, she leaves Antoine and attempts to take her own life.”
Sweet Talk
“With Bella out of his life, Antoine starts looking for his new recruit to replace her. This song shows him trying to convince new girls to join him. This is a much more evil depiction of Antoine, compared to ‘Ladies’ Night’. Still pretty poppy and catchy but this song is much more menacing. We used the Prismatic Wall on the guitars at the beginning of this song. I love that pedal. It gives this really bizarre metallic sounding effect that was perfect for the intro. We used a bunch of overdriven bass synths to drive the punchiness of this song and added a bunch of more gothic sounding synths. Aki (from Ameokama) does the voice of one of the other camgirls singing on the choruses. She also does an amazing reenactment of an interaction between camgirl and client at the end of the song. Aki did this really weird version of the chorus at the end of the song where she sings in this kind of atonal harmony. It was entirely her idea, she fucking killed this song.”
TARAVISTA
“After a long period of complete isolation, Bella starts dating Jacek, a 50-year-old conman and shady business owner. This song mostly just shows how depressing Jacek’s life is. His ex-wife has full custody of his children, his children hate him for being a negligent fuck up and he makes money by stealing peoples bank information and open fake mortgages. Bella sees her father in Jacek. He’s a degenerate career criminal with a genuine tenderness. In the backstory, Bella decides that she’s done with scumbags and decides that she’s going to move to NYC and be an artist after all. She drugs Jacek one night and steals two hundred thousand from him. She feels like it’s justified seeing as he stole it to begin with. This song is similar to ‘Ladies’ Night’ in that its fairly condensed standard pop format. Stefan had started with the initial piano line and chord progression, which almost sounded like a Coldplay song and then we built it from there. Juliet also joins in on the vocals, which really lets the chorus feel full. Stefan and I took turns writing some melancholic guitar lines to try and fill out the chord progression and make the whole thing feel a lot more tragic and grandiose.”
Mary Kate & Ashley
“One of the weirder songs on the album, MK&A follows male pornstar and meth enjoyer Dante. As Bella’s closest friend, Dante agrees to join her in moving to New York. The song mostly covers one of Dante’s meth-fueled confrontations with some Nashua townies. The beginning of this song is this kind of depressed, trap-inspired synth ballad, where Dante showcases how fucked up his life is and his profound sadness. Jonathan wrote this really cinematic piano arpeggio, but it somehow works for the song. Pete has these hooky basslines throughout the song and Danny shows more of his drumming chops. Allison did a bunch of choir parts on this song, which are actually my favorite parts. It just adds this kind of Philip Glass chorale atmosphere, she’s really an amazing singer.”
Despair
“At the end of the plot, Antoine calls Bella from prison where he reminds her that he controls all her money. Fortunately for Bella, she’s got more than enough money without Antoine and she’s moved far away from NH. She uses this opportunity to fully open up to Antoine, expressing her murderous hatred for him. She reminds him that he will certainly be killed in prison, once the other inmates find out about his history with human trafficking and snuff films. Bella is played by Meredith (from the noise-rock band Latter) and she gives a bone-chilling visceral performance. Really an incredible vocalist and the perfect way to end Bella’s story. At the end Antoine admits that he is motivated by a deep insecurity, fueled by his resentment towards his father and his harsh upbringing. This song starts out with a kind of R&B piano-driven vibe, then during Meredith’s part we added these big synths and noisier elements. We tried to make the nosier part a bit somber too, to highlight the tragedy and pain in Bella’s life. The ending is pure Twin Peaks-core. Just a slightly altered 1950s du-op chord progression, some melancholic synth leads and an Elvis style guitar line. In the end, Antoine claims that he and Bella will « always be together » highlighting that similar men and women will go through similar relationships. That it’s unavoidable and ultimately they’re all victims of their harsh circumstances.”